How are you?

I started working with a new Year 12 group this week. My first task as their assistant teacher was to go through an exercise with them entitled ‘What do the British mean when they say…(insert typically British sentence here)?’ The one that caused the most reaction was the age old question, ‘How are you?’ to which the answer is always ‘I’m fine thanks, how are you?’ Whether you’re having the greatest day imaginable, or a day so abominably awful all you want to do is go home, curl up in a ball and drink tea forever more, as a Brit you are almost obliged to give the non-committal answer of ‘fine thanks, how are you?’ Why is this, I asked myself? Is it because, actually we couldn’t give a rat’s tail about how someone actually is, and anything more positive or negative than the generic ‘fine’ would mean that you inevitably end up having to listen to someone’s life story, when you would rather be at home with a brew? Do we present this façade of being an über-polite nation, whilst in actual fact we are just hoping that no one will upset the rhythm of our day to day life?

Admitting this to myself felt rather bleak. I have always prided myself on how polite British people are. So polite in fact, that we will say ‘thank you’ as we hand over money to a cashier, (even though when you pause and consider it for a moment, they are not actually doing us a favour by taking our money off us,) or even that we will hold the door open for the person behind us when they’re still a good half a mile away. So polite, that we will apologise for something, even when it’s not our fault, or give a ‘thank-you-wave’ in response to the ‘thank-you-wave’ that a fellow driver has given us when we’ve made way for them on the road.  Why, then do we shroud ourselves under a veil of politeness when inquiring as to someone’s general state of mind, when in actual fact we’d rather not know how they actually are, and anything apart from the mediocre adjective that is ‘fine’ would fill us with dread?

The Germans are much more direct than the British. This isn’t a negative thing, but perhaps merely a more logical way to live one’s life, as being direct and saying what you mean is sometimes a more efficient way of getting things done. One thing the Germans absolutely do not do is beat around the bush. The British, however, love to beat around the bush; trying to express everything in as polite and unobtrusive a way as possible, and unfortunately this doesn’t always translate across cultural boarders. I’ve experienced this many-a time this year. Take, for example, if someone at school offers me a lift home. This is how the conversation normally goes.

Teacher: Emily, I’ll drop you home if you want.
Me: Oh! That’s very kind of you, but I don’t want to make you go out of your way! I can always walk.  (Notice how in actual fact, I would love a lift home, but I don’t want them to go out of their way to take me home unless they’re absolutely sure! I’m psyching them out, you see!)
Teacher: Oh, well it was only an offer. See you tomorrow.

Damn!! So not only have I managed to talk myself out of a lift home, but  I worry that I have even been misconstrued as rude. I’ve had several of these experiences so far, which means several long walks home with heavy bags and numb fingers, giving me enough time to dwell on my nation’s love of circling a topic, with everyone too afraid to put their finger right on the buzzer and say what they think.

Which brings me back to the ‘How are you’ debacle. The answer as to why we are a nation of ‘fine’ people is actually rather simple. We British do not love anything too direct, nor do we love any over the top outpourings of emotion. Yes, every now and then we like to channel all our emotions for a cause or two; like when we watch Mo Farah running down the home straight of the 5,000m final at a Home Olympics and the whole nation gives every kilojoule of energy it possesses into cheering him on, or when we turn out in our thousands, armed with Union Jack flags to wave proudly as good old Queenie and Phil sail past on a boat in the pouring rain. There are occasions when the British can no longer conceal their emotions, and have to find an outlet for them somehow, but generally these tend to be few and far between. Instead, most of the time we are quite a reserved bunch. Britain is a country that keeps calm and carries on, where people would look at you as if you were a Martian if you tried to strike up a conversation with someone on the tube; it’s just not in our nature to be over friendly, over intrusive, over-anything, really! Giving an answer using any kind of superlative that is more positive or negative than fine would be considered over-emotional, and poking your nose into someone’s private business to ask what has brought about such a use of superlatives would be considered too direct and intrusive. The combination of the two would send any British person’s blood pressure shooting through the roof!

Mo Farah, responsible for emotional outbursts all over Britain

So, we’re a nation of socially awkward Brits, who love to make life difficult for ourselves. But, do you know what, we’re fine like that!

Emily

P.S – just to prove that we do have emotions, here’s a video of Mo Farah’s 5,000 Gold Medal Win.